This post is a little different than all the other ones I’ve shared. In honor of our 3 year anniversary, I thought it would be fun to have Dan take over the blog to share his top 5 things he’s learned from marriage. So let’s get to it!
I am honored to take over Amy’s blog today and share with you all my personal insight. It’s been quite the adventure in the 3 years since we said I do and while I’m no marriage expert I do feel like I can offer some advice from my experiences since being married. The following are five things I’ve learned since being married (In no particular order of importance).
Compromise & Sacrifice
Three years ago on our wedding day if I had a dollar for every time someone said to me “Happy Wife, Happy Life” I could have paid for the whole wedding! At the time I just laughed and assumed that’s how people felt but looking back on it I think this is some of the worst advice people can give. A marriage is built on compromise and that comes from both parties. You and your partner are not going to agree on everything and that’s ok. What isn’t ok is sticking your foot in the ground and not budging or a “my way or the highway attitude”. This really applies to all facets of marriage whether it’s time, finance, family planning, etc. There is always a compromise to be made and it’s just as important to come to one together.
On the other end of the spectrum, it’s inevitable there are going to be situations where compromise isn’t possible and one person will have to make a sacrifice. This is also ok, but it’s important to alternate making sacrifices and not have one person carry the full burden. A fun story about this was years ago right after I graduated from college. It had always been a dream of mine to live in Colorado and after going through four rounds of interviews I was presented with a job offer where I could pick Denver or Tampa to start my career. Given where we are now I bet you can guess which one I chose! Now with the birth of our son, I’m starting to realize that the dream of living out in the snowy mountains of CO is going to be sacrificed for the good of our marriage and our son, and you know what, I’m ok with that. Amy has sacrificed many things over the years for me in order for me to take risks in my career. It’s just a constant push and pull and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
It’s the Little Things
The best advice I could give someone about getting married is that a marriage is built one day at a time. Contrary to what you may see on Instagram or the internet grand gestures aren’t always the way to build a happy and successful marriage. These things are nice but in my opinion, are not what’s at the core of marriage. The little things like setting your alarm 10 minutes earlier than you normally would so you can cuddle in bed instead of instantly rushing out the door for work, or just giving your partner a hug for no reason at all are just as important, if not more than big grand gestures every once in a while.
The 90 / 10 Rule
When you find that special someone it’s tempting to want to spend 100% of your time doing everything together. Marriage at the end of the day is the bonding of two individual people and it’s important to remember that each person in a marriage is an individual with there own unique interests, hobbies, and preferences. On the other side, your partner in marriage is your best friend and someone who you should share experiences with on a daily basis. The 90 / 10 rule is something I try and implement to remember. I want to spend 90% of my time with Amy doing things we both enjoy (Hiking, Breweries, and just being together) while making sure that 10% of my time remains for things I enjoy that maybe Amy has no interest in (Hockey, Video Games, & personal side projects).
Be Present not just in Proximity
As someone who works in technology, I’m torn on this subject because it’s amazing to see the progress that has been made ever since I’ve entered the industry but at the same time I have to acknowledge it has definitely played a role in making us more distracted. In an era of multiple different social platforms, ability to access all the information in the entire world, all at the tips of our fingers it’s easy to get wrapped up in the “Infinite Scroll”.
Not just in marriage but in any relationship, it’s important to remember to be present and enjoy the little moments. Simply being in close proximity to your partner doesn’t count as being together if you are distracted.
Have Fun
Marriage at the end of the day is about spending your life with someone who makes you happy. It’s easy to get caught up in the day to day stresses of life but it’s important to take a step back, take a deep breath, and realize you’re on the world’s best adventure with your best friend. At the end of the day just have fun, don’t take things or yourself too seriously and just enjoy this wild, beautiful ride you two signed up for.
And that’s a wrap! Thanks for listening to my point of view and I hope this brings some insight. I love you, Amy and Happy Anniversary!
-Dan
