It’s amazing how quickly life can just swiftly go by, yet feel like so much has happened. It’s crazy to think on this day I was anxiously getting ready to walk down the aisle to meet my groom at the alter. It was the little moments that I love remembering, like seeing him smile as I walked toward him in my wedding dress, or the laughs we shared cutting our cake hand in hand because we almost dropped it! Or sharing our first dance as Mr & Mrs with so many people we loved in one room. It was the day in our lives when we would be embarking on a new, unknown, (forever) journey together and it’s amazing to see where we have come since.
While I am by no means a marriage expert at this point and I am still working on things to better our marriage, I wanted to share some things I’ve learned in our second year.
What The First Two Years of Marriage Taught Me….
LEARN & EMBRACE WHAT EACH OTHER LOVES
I am never going to love hockey or video games as much as my husband does ..and that’s okay. But what is not okay is not giving each other space and time to get to enjoy those things. Understand what makes them happy or what hobbies they love and embrace it. Like buying them that Nintendo Switch they’ve been asking about (you’re welcome babe!)
DON’T STOP DATING
Whenever anyone starts dating and seems so blissfully in love, the first thing someone usually says is “oh they are just in the honeymoon stage” …and after that is when it all starts to get real and hard. But why should we ever let our honeymoon stage slip away? It’s so important that you never stop dating and never stop asking questions to learn more about each other. What we don’t think about is that we all change and continually change as each year passes and we get older. If I never sought out to learn more about Dan over the years I would just be able to recall what he loved when we first started dating and who he was at age 18..in college. That person now is different, we both are, and it’s important to acknowledge that and never stop “getting to know” each other.
YOU CAN’T READ EACH OTHER’S MIND
I am sure we have all been there when we are expecting something from our significant other and it doesn’t go as we wanted it to so our first reaction is to get upset. “How did they not know I wanted that?” …”Do they really not love me?” “Am I not worth it?” Well I learned quickly that well, Dan can’t read my mind. He isn’t going to know what I wanted if I never talked about it and he will continue to not know if I don’t express how I feel. I’ve realized it’s so important to share with Dan what I want vs expecting him to just pick up on things. After all, what we need to remember is it’s not only about the flowers leading up the doorway or secret surprises that maybe they didn’t think of, it’s not only about the production or show. It’s the thought and love within that person that truly matters.
MONEY IS ALWAYS A HOT MARRIAGE TOPIC
Money is one of the most common topics/issues within a marriage and honestly why so many marriages fail. Now if I am being honest this is probably the #1 thing Dan and I fight about. He’s the saver and I’m the spender. When you have two people on totally different sides of this spectrum it gets hard. Now is this perfect between us since it’s our 2nd year of marriage? No. But it’s something we have been more open about with each other and instead of fighting we are talking about how we feel and coming up with financial plans to take that burden off of us. This comes to my point that if you are fighting over your financials, talk it out, understand where you are both coming from, and take time to make a plan that will make both of you happy.
APPRECIATE ONE ANOTHER
I know this sounds like something so easy, but it can also be tough to remember to do when life gets in the way. Or when we don’t tend to think before we speak (I know I’m guilty of this). For instance, last week, Dan was putting shelves together for our closet. I was starting to get mad at him for how long it was taking since I thought it should’ve been way easier to do. I found myself almost starting to put him down for not finishing it quicker and then I had to take a moment. Why was I doing this? He is taking time out of HIS night to help me and I’m just being ungrateful. I immediately switched up my tone, started to rub his shoulder, THANKED him, and asked what I could help with. It’s times like this when it’s crucial to take a step back to appreciate each other and be thankful for having that special person in your life.
THERE SHOULD BE A “T” IN MARRIAGE
There should be a “T” in marriage for teamwork. In any marriage at the end of the day, it’s easier when you work together. If Dan cooks (which he always does since I’m the worst at it), I’ll clean. If he vacuumed and mopped, I’ll do the laundry. Dan and I started to come up with a good system to where we don’t feel like one person is doing it all and that’s important.
POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT – YES, IT HELPS IN MARRIAGE TOO
Reinforcing positive behavior is not just for your dogs or children, it’s important for your marriage too. If Dan does something that I love, like putting his clothes away after changing, I will point out those observations and vice versa. Because let’s be honest, if someone shares how happy they are with something we’ve done, we are going to want to repeat that behavior.
DON’T FORGET…THEY ARE YOUR BEST FRIEND
Your partner after all is your best friend, your #1 supporter, your confidant and that’s important to remember. Lean on them when you’re upset, listen when they are upset, and always confide within one another to make sure you never feel alone. To me this is what marriage is all about. You have this special person in your life to take on whatever life may throw at you…the good, the bad, & the ugly. How lucky are we to have them by our side through this journey? Now that is special.
